2 Princes, and a warrior and me ofcorse!
by VeRo FaLsO
Summary: if you could go back in time and talk to the trojan pirinces what rivetting conversations would you have? these are mine. (not at all serious tho)ch.4 we have a SLEEP OVER!
1. P's Sexuality

Discussing a prince's sexuality: a conversation between Hector, Paris, and I

Me:     Dammit Hector! Teach me to fight!

Hector:     no.

Me:     why?!?!?

Hector:     because no.

Paris:     it's because he doesn't like girls!!

Hector:     yes I do! I just don't initiate them, so training her is a waist of my time.

Me:     why?! I need to learn how to use a sword! What if a rapist comes after me in a dark alley and-

Hector:     there are no rapists in troy!

Paris:     only spoiled princes! (then does a little spoiled dance)

Me:     no rapists? So how does Paris get laid?

Paris:     what? I'm hott! I don't need to... to... you suck! (does the spoiled dance again)

Me:     I was just joking! No, really, how does Paris get laid?

Paris:     dissing me will not make Hector want to teach you to fight.

Hector:     yes it will.

Me:     SCORE!

Hector:     I'm still not going to.

Paris:     SCORE!

Me:     why?!?!

Hector:     I told you, because I can't initiate you into the army.

Me:     and does that matter

Paris and Hector: (just laugh)

Me:     (tackles Paris) what the HELL is initiation?!?!

Paris:     Butt-sex! Hahahahaha!!

Me:     you Trojans are gay... too bad... (I looove Hector!)

Hector:     no we're just bi.

Me:     (does a happy dance!) okay. But Paris is gay right?

Paris:     no! I'm not gay! Hello, people?? Helen!

Me:     she doesn't really count. She looked like a man.

Paris:     now way! She was a pretty lady!

silence

Me:     yeah... right... back to the butt-bangin'. So why must you do that in order to get into the Trojan army?

Hector:     it's an initiation. We have to make sure they can take pain, like in a frat.

Me:     I've _really _never heardof any frat doing that!

Hector:     plus we're all usually horny as hell out after or before battles. The initiation's preparation for later.

Me:     why don't you just bring women???

Hector:     they're just extra baggage. They don't fight or anything.

Me:     I would fight!!!

Hector:     you'd probably get captured, then you'd really get raped or something terrible like that.

Me:     no. greeks are gay. Just like Trojans.

Hector and Paris:     WE'RE NOT GAY!

Me:     prove it.

(10 minutes of silence)

Hector:     well... I'm married!

Me:     that doesn't prove anything.

Hector:     so how else would I prove it?

Me:     (trying to seduce him) well... after you teach me to fight we could-

Hector:     I'm not teaching you to fight!

Me:     but I'll let you initiate me!! (don't pretend you wouldn't do the same thing!)

Hector:     I can't do that! I'm married!!

Me:     so you can have wild-monkey-butt-sex with young men but you can't sleep with me?!

Hector:     when it's with a fellow soldier it doesn't count.

Paris:     my brother's sooo loyal!

Me and Hector:     SHUT UP HOMO!

Paris:     I'm not gay! Screw you guys!

(runs out of the room)

Achilles! They called me homo!!

Hector:     shyt!!

Me:     who's Achilles?

Hector:     he's only the greatest warrior of all time!

Me:     a greek?

Hector:     myrmidon.

Me:     so he's gay then?

Hector:     would you stop that?!?

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A/N: no gay ppl were meant to be offended by this. I luv gay ppl!! But really- who thinks paris is str8?!


	2. Libidinous?

Yeah- it took a long time- I know.

Chapter 2: Libidinous??

(Hector and I have hidden under the table because we're scared Achilles might wanna kick our asses.)

Paris: Achilles!!!

Achilles: What is it _now,_ Paris?

Paris: They called me a homo!

Achilles: What?! That sux man…

Paris: I knew you'd agree with me!

Achilles: Yeah, I know how your people would rather be called _homosexuals_.

Paris: Wha?! I am NOT gay!

Me: (Popped up from under the table) I totally knew it!! You are definitely gay!

(Hector tries to be all slick and come up really slowly but it doesn't really work.)

Paris: Hector, why does every one think I'm gay?

Hector: yeah… well… maybe- maybe, it's because you _are_ gay.

Paris: GODDAMIT!

Achilles: just accept it. You're always hitting on me, how could we not see it?

Me: he hits on _you_? Wow, Paris don't you _ever_ get laid?

Achilles: what's that supposed to mean?!

Me: nothing. It's just that you're a very BIG guy and Paris, he's kind of a little guy. Wouldn't that cause some kind of injury?

Achilles: True dat (_yes he is a little ghetto_). Um, by the way, who are you?

Me: I'm Nat. Will you teach me to fight?

Hector: what about your training with me?

Me: initiation.

Hector: oh, yeah. well, I've decided that if it doesn't count with guys then it shouldn't count with a student, right?

Paris: you BASTARD! And all this time I thought you were so loyal!

Achilles: Are you crying? Dude, what are you crying for?

Me: this definitely makes you just a little-bit gayer.

Paris: I'm not crying and I'm not gay! I just... have something in my eye...- BUT if I _were_ crying it'd be because my brother is a traitor. Not just to his wife but to the entire institution of marriage! If I were married-

Hector: it's alright, little brother, you can get married in Massachusetts. It's legal there!

Achilles: Oh! BURN!!!

Paris: screw you guys! (runs off flailing his arms and crying)

Silence

Me: yeah… so… which one of you is goin' to teach me something first?

Achilles: who said I was a teacher?

Me: Come on, Achilles! Every one knows you're the best warrior to ever live. You gotta be better that Hector, I mean, ya did kill the guy!

Hector&Achilles: WHAT?!?!?

Me: crap…

Achilles: I wouldn't do that! I don't kill for no reason!

Me: well you only did it 'cause he killed Petrocolus…

Achilles: he what? Mommy said he went to go live on a big farm… PETROCOLUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!!!

Me: calm down, dude. Put the sword away! It was just a movie…

Achilles: oh… sorry, Hector. I wasn't _really_ going to kill you just now.

Hector: yeah… sure you weren't… Nat, may I speak to you privately? (grabs my arm and drags me out the door)

Me: Listen, Hector, I know you like me but right here in the hall-way? I'm not that kind of girl!

Hector: ARE YOU PSYCHO???

Me: I never have an answer to that question. People seem to ask it a lot…

Hector: why would you say something like that to Achilles?

Me: what? That you killed his "little buddy"? Because you did, oh! And because I'm evil… and Libidinous!

Hector: what???

Me: (runs back in the room and jumps Achilles)

Achilles: wha? What is wrong with you?

Hector: she's evil… and libidinous!

Achilles: okay that doesn't explain anything!

Me: actually I'm trying to persuade you to teach me to use a sword. My charms don't work on Hector because he's gay.

Hector: why do you think every one is gay?!

Me: just Trojans.. and greeks. It varies really. I luv gay people, though. Why do you think I like you so much Heeeeector?

Hector: I'm not gay! You luv me 'cause I'm a hott warrior and have this sexy scar on my face.

Me: oh yeah!!

R&R homies!


	3. Jack makes a cameo

Jack Sparrow makes an appearance

Chapter 3:'eLLo-'eLLo!

Hector: Where did you learn to do that?!?!?!?!?!

Me: I'm so so so so so so so so so so so sooooooo sorry, Hector! Please don't be mad! Does it hurt?

Hector: no, I'm fine. Just tell me where you learned how to fight like that!

Achilles: you told us you didn't know how to use a sword!

Me: Well I have no idea how you guys fight out on the battle field but I know how to fence and I was REALLY scared when you came at me with a weapon, Hector! I'm so sorry!

Hector: it's alright, really. Please just tell me who taught you to do that!

Achilles: hells yes!

Me: are you guys sure you want to meet him?

Hector&Achilles: YES!!

Me: ok… but don't day I didn't warn you- and please, before he gets here grab some alcohol.

Hector: before he gets here?

Me: you'll see. SparrowJuice! SparrowJuice! SparrowJuice!

POOF!!

Enter- Captain Jack Sparrow (just imagine his entrance in Pirates of the Caribbean)

Jack: 'ello Nat! How ya been, bonnie lass?

Me: hey Jack! (We hug cuz we're best buds! lol) I've missed the Pearl so much!! I have so much to tell you!

Jack: so why'd ye' never call on me before?

Me: well I heard about how you were hiding from Norry and I was so busy trying to get Hector to teach me to fight that there wasn't really any time.

Jack: oh, yes! The princes. Let me guess you (pointing to Hector) must be Hector, and you (pointing to Achilles), well you look like a big enough fruit so you must be Paris-

Achilles: What?

Me: NO! no, no, no Jack, that's not Paris, that is Achilles, you know, the greatest Warrior of all time… remember?

Jack: yeah, sure… nice to meet ye' both.

(Paris walks in- no longer crying.)

Paris: did some one say my name?

Jack: Whoa… (Romantic, Barry White music plays in the back round) Is this…

Me: get over it Jack! Yes this is Paris! Doesn't he look just like, Will?

Jack: Oh me bonnie WILLIAM!

Me: crap… Hector go get that thing I asked for…

Hector: What are you talking about?

Me: you know that thing… the drink… you know that makes you drunk.

(Hector goes to get whatever alcohol he can find)

Me: Jack, I know you miss Will, but he is in love with that Swann girl and he's straight.

Jack: that pout y-faced wench! I liked Will first!

Me: I know you did, Jack, but- (idea light bulb comes up over my head! Ding!)- you know… Paris here reminds me so much of Will. Maybe you 2 should get to know each other… you would have so much in common.

Paris: Nat, what going—

Me: Sorry, Paris! I must be leaving you now! I've got so much to do, you know!

SLAM! me: shuts the door right in Paris' face and locks it.

4 hour later…

(Hector, Achilles and I have our ears up against the door listening to some very curious sounds coming from the next room.)

Me: Hector, dude, I knew he was gay!

Hector: I never said he wasn't, just not me.

Achilles: they've been at it for a long- ass time now…

Me: yeah, Jack wasn't even drunk or anything!

(Louder, muffled noises come from the room)

Me: so, boys, what can we do to pass the time?

But I was thinking: 'damn! I thought listening in on Paris and Jack would be more fun…'

Hector: I don't know…

But he was thinking: 'initiation?'

Achilles: how about some more training?

But he was thinking: 'and by training I mean sex'

And then Achilles said: …and by training I mean sex.

Hector: with you?

Achilles: actually, I was talking to the girl.

Me: I'm not doing anything with either of you two until some one teaches me to fight, so both of you can go Feck off!

(Just then the door opens and Jack pops out)

Jack: would you guys mind keeping it down? You're really ruinin' the mood.

Me: okay Jack. So Hector, Achilles you guys wanna go see a movie?

Hector: sure, what do you wanna see?

Me: I've been dying to see 'Alexander'!

Achilles: okay, but Collin Ferrell is such a hack! They should've cast some one like Brad Pitt; I mean he's a natural blonde.

Hector: or Eric Bana.

Jack: (who's still in the door way) or Johnny Depp.

Paris: (from inside the room—I guess he's tied up or something) or Orlando Bloom.

Me: no I like Collin. He's hott.

(Every one looks at me like I'm gonna die!)

Me: Just Joking! Those guys r kool too… (Wow they really do look like they're gonna kill me…)


	4. sleep over

A/N: okay, to any one who may be taking this little fic a little too seriously: STOP IT! In no way, shape, or form do I think this should be regarded as correct it's just a little something that appeals to those who have as a sick a sense of humor as I do! Thanks 2 my readers!

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(Hector, Achilles and I have finally returned from the movies- its actually like 3 in the morning but we've all managed to sneak into Hectors chambers for a sleep over so we don't get in trouble. We kind of broke curfew.)

Me: I can't believe you guys hate Collin Ferrell that much! You act like you personally know him or something! I still think I would've liked 'Alexander' better than 'Closer'. I don't evenlike Jude Law that much…

Hector: Well, the only reason I wanted to see it was for Natalie Portman.

Me: so you two made me miss out on some primo shirtless Collin Ferrell for Natalie Portman?!?

Achilles: AND Julia Roberts. She's a total MILF.

Me: what about Angelina Jolie? She's in 'Alexander'.

Achilles: eh… She's a MILF, too, but Julia's lips are real.

Me: you're a loser… you could've had COLLIN FERRELL!!!

Hector: calm down.

Me: I can't. I'm not tired at ALL!!! (Bounces off walls)

Achilles: so what are we gonna do if you're not sleepy, I'm not tired and Hector would never go to sleep and leave us awake.

Me: why?

Achilles: why don't you tell her Hector??? Teeheehee…

Hector: I… em… talk in my sleep.

Me: so?

Achilles: why don't you tell her _what_ you talk about? Haha!

Me: What?

Hector: I… um… I tell secrets in my sleep.

Me: what the hell? Why is that so funny?

Achilles: Tell her! Hahaha!!

Hector: last time Achilles heard me sleep-talk I…eh… well… I talked about how I like to be called 'porky'…when… I'm-uh- getting' it on…

Me: Porky?

Achilles&me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Hector: shut-up!

Me: OH PORKY! HARDER! FASTER! YES! YES! PORKY! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hector: shhhh!!! You'll wake everyone up, including my wife! She's gangsta. If she thinks I wanted you say that she'll feckin' cut me!

Me: fine…PORKY! (light bulb!) Hey guys! I just had an idea!

Achilles: what is it? I'm sure PORKY would loooooove to hear it!

Hector: grumble, grumble, grumble…>

Me: okay, well, Achilles and I can't leave the room 'cause the guards will stab us so we should have a sleep over!!

Achilles: yeah… or not.

Me: it'll be fun! I promise! We'll tell secrets and have makeovers! Don't act like yo' hair ain't str8 up wak, Achilles!

Achilles: oh Hell no!

Hector: shhh!!! Okay, you know what; this might be a good idea. Tell secrets huh? You both know a secret of mine already, so why don't you go first Achilles?

Achilles: I don't have secrets…

Me: oh, c'mon! I'm sure you have at least one little secret!

Achilles: no.

Me: oh, please! Every one does!

Achilles: fine. But this is not to leave the room!

Hector: what is it?!

Achilles: you know how everyone always thought **Petrokolos** and I were cousins?

Me: yeah?

Achilles: well, we weren't, I was tappin' dat!

Me: Dang boi!!!! Fo' real? U a pimp!

Achilles: he was a freak, too.

(the next 15 minutes was just a ghetto conversation between Achilles and I about his lover. Hector was pretty much lost.)

Hector: so what was the secret?

Me: uch! If you have to ask, you'll never know!

Hector: no tell me! Please! Come on! Don't be like that! NAAAAAAAAAT, TELL ME!!!

Me: HE WAS BANGIN' HIS LITTLE BUDDY! God, ur slow!

Hector: I already knew that! Who didn't?

Achilles: yeah… so, Nat, what's your secret.

Me: well… okay, on to makeovers!!!

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A/N: see, I spelt Petrokolos right… I think. Eh… oh well.

Sorry I left u with no secret from me. I just play dirty like that.


End file.
